Have you been to a festival this year? Do you have any money left? Yes, and no. But it’s our fault for splurging on the helicopter.
If you went to a festival this year, did you lose anything? Your car keys? Your wristband? Your lunch in a port-o-let? Our innocence.
How many people in your agency or office play an instrument? Why aren’t they with you onstage? A lot. Clearly we have only the highest and most specific standards. Also they couldn’t get babysitters during practice.
How is a client call like attending a music festival? (You know, crowd too big, people elbowing to get in front, happens over two weekends…) The only way to be heard is to shout as loud as possibly and interrupt whomever is talking. Also the copious amounts of alcohol required to enjoy it.
Are you old enough to remember mosh pits? Can you tell me what a mosh was? Mosh Pits are why Gen Xers never had enough remaining energy to actually do anything with their anger.
Have you ever had to choose between two favorite bands who were on at the same time? What was were your criteria? Do you use that same criteria in your agency life? The one that had the cooler stage to look at.
What else could the letters EDM stand for? Erectile Dysfunction Man, a superhero for the limp and lively.
Why did you choose your festival song? Have you seen it performed live? Is it Haim? ‘Cause Haim is totally way better live, right? One of our people just saw one of our songs performed live at a festival last weekend. Our version is better.
Do you have any reefer? Thanks. Shh. Be cool.
If you could be any animal, would it be the muppet drummer? He’s the only drummer crazier than Keith Moon. He wins.
Follow up, of the members of the muppet band, who us your favorite? It’s Janice, right? Because if it’s not Janice you’re wrong. No, dummy. Animal is the best. See above. Dude needs to be chained up when he’s not playing. That’s a rockstar.
Tits, bits and pits. Discuss. The trick to all three is to let them breathe. And if you don’t mind your pits you’ll never see anyone’s tits and bits.
Who ripped the holes in your jeans, you or someone in China? Holes should be earned, not purchased.
Has a guitar ever gotten you laid? What is the best brand of guitar for getting one laid? Asking for a friend. The best guitar to get you laid is the one you can actually play.
Why did you name your band that? Really. Is your mom okay with it? My mom doesn’t know, nor would she understand the reference. Which is a good metaphor for our relationship.
Whose Spotify playlist would you rather hear:
Kim Jong-un’s or Jared Kushner’s? No.
Kid Rock or Kid Cudi? Kid Cudi is a musician, Kid Rock is like the human version of a cigarette butt floating in an above ground pool. So Kid Cudi.
Steve Bannon or Pennywise the Dancing Clown? (Or is it the same playlist?) Bannon isn’t the same as the Dancing Clown, he just used to work for the Dancing Clown.
It’s been 10 years. Is it okay that we are still leaving Britney alone? I sort of don’t think we ever should have in the first place.